Cry Baby, Cry......

I firmly believe that God blessed me with Trinity first, for some very specific reasons. I didn't realize it at the time, but as Ryan and Sarah have now grown through various "phases," I've learned that Trinity was about the easiest baby someone could ask for.

By the time Trinity was 4 months old, she was sleeping overnight, from 8pm to 8am without even a peep. She never got sick, and she was perfectly happy with the very first formula we tried. She was able to eat well from the first bottles we used, and didn't spit up at all.  She was content being put in her crib at night to fall asleep on her own.  As she grows up, she continues to be the most polite, sweet, helpful and caring little girl any parent could ask for.

Ryan on the other hand, has been a completely different story. Even during the pregnancy and the birth, we knew he definitely had his own idea of what he wanted out of life. He's a good kid, just a lot more clear about the way he thinks things should be done. After coming home from the hospital, we started to see just how different from Trinity, he really was.  We went through literally every formula available, looking for the one that he didn't excessively spit up.  Then we tried every bottle on the market, and realized there was only one kind that he would take.  He ate constantly, and until he was past a year old, he refused to sleep through the night.  These, among other things were just the beginning of Ryan's determined personality.  Though he's a tough cookie, most people don't see that side of him, as he is continuously "Winning Friends and Influencing People" with those big blue eyes and a charming smile.  He's already quite a flirt. :)

Then Sarah came along and she confirms the fact that each and every child is so vastly different.  I really think God has a sense of humor.  With Sarah I almost have a perfect mix of Trinity and Ryan.  She's as sweet as sugar, but on occasion I see there's a will of steel hiding in there.

Sarah's almost a year old, and although she hasn't been eating in the middle of the night for quite some time, she was still waking me up at night.  So usually, I would go in her room, give her a pacifier, cover her back up and she would go back to sleep. Only to wake me up again in a couple hours, the same way.  There's nothing she needed, she just hadn't figured out how to get herself back to sleep after waking up. 

A couple weeks ago, she woke up and didn't want to go back to sleep.  After trying 3 or 4 times, I decided that if I wanted any sleep for myself at all, I just needed to feed her and be done with it. When she eats it almost always make her sleepy.  And it worked.....  And the next night, there she was at 3am, standing in her crib peeking over the side with the biggest smile. Cute as a button, wide eyed and bushy tailed, and ready to eat! 

After 3 nights of this, I realized my error, and I knew exactly what I had to do.

Some parents have differing views on the subject, but I realized that if the house (or ME more specifically) was going to get any rest in the future, this behavior had to be changed.  In order to do that, she might have to cry a little bit.  Actually, more than a little bit.

The first night, 3am, just as always I heard her yelling in the monitor.  I had already decided what I needed to do, so I went into her room for the 1 and only time I would be going that night.  She was wide awake, happy as could be, and standing in her crib.  I simply gave her the pacifier, laid her down and covered her up, much to her dismay.  And she let me know that, in no uncertain terms the minute she realized I'd left the room.  I went back to my bed, turned the monitor down low enough that I could see but barely hear it,  and I listened to her cry for what seemed like eternity.  It wasn't a hurt cry, a sick cry, or a hungry cry. (moms know the difference) :)  It was an "I'm angry because I'm not getting what I want!" kind of cry.  Slowly I heard her yells become fewer and quieter.  Eventually, she stopped all together. When I went in to check on her, sure enough, she'd worn herself out and fallen back to sleep.  She proceeded to sleep very well for the rest of the night, waking up later in the morning than usual. 

The 2nd night happened just as the first, except the amount of time she cried, was much shorter than the first night.  By the 4th night, she woke up, and I didn't go in to her room at all.  She yelled for me for about 15 seconds, and then went back to sleep on her own.  After that, I'm happy to report I've been getting uninterrupted sleep for the first time since she was born almost a year ago!  PRAISE THE LORD! :)

You know those things your parents always said when you were little? The ones you swore you'd never say to your kids? "This hurts me more than it hurts you?"  And as a kid you were convinced they were just being mean.

Well the saying is true... I think most of us that are parents understand it now.

It was terrible to listen to her cry. It was the last thing in the world I wanted to do, and my first instinct was to jump up and go comfort her. I didn't want her to cry, I felt bad.  But I knew this was the only way for her to grow. For the short term, I'd rather have saved her from the pain of learning this lesson, but that's not what was best for her in the future.  As parents we have to realize that the things we sometimes have to let our kids go through, are the best learning lessons for them, even if it's not the most comfortable or fun. 

Sometimes as children of God we're in the crib crying for God to take away our problems or frustration. We want God to just fix it for us. We'd much rather have Him give us what we want. Wouldn't it make things so much easier if God would just suddenly appear and save the day? God still does that, but not in every situation.  He is our loving Heavenly Father, and just as parents have to let their kids go through some things so they can learn, God also allows us to cry through some things so we can grow.  Even though it hurts Him to see us in pain, He knows that sometimes we need that experience and even that pain, to grow into the next phase of our lives. If He just gave us everything we wanted, how weak would we be? How effective would we be as parents if we solved all of our kids problems for them?  How much do we cripple them in regard to their future?

As we cry, God is never gone. It might seem like it, but He's listening to us, and hurting with us until we cry through the pain and frustration. When we come out on the other side, we've matured, and those major issues in our life are no longer a problem for us, because we've grown.

When it seems like He's not listening, what lesson could it be that He's trying to let us learn?

Voice of Reason

Those of us who have kids, or who have been around kids for any significant amount of time, will understand this completely.
As adults, our sense of reason has matured enough, that we can have grown-up conversations to work things out, understand concepts and come to agreements. (or at least most adults do) *smiles*

Kids, especially young kids, do not have this capacity just yet.

As an example, my son Ryan was trying to reprimand my 7 month old baby, Sarah the other day. He said, "Sarah, don't touch me, you just ate and your hands are dirty!" Of course Sarah giggled and cooed, because he was talking to her. He got mad, and said, "Sarah, It's not funny!"  As I explained to him that she didn't understand what he was saying, he couldn't grasp the concept. He had it firmly planted in his mind that she was making fun of him.  One night not to long after that, as I gave Ryan and Sarah a bath before bed, Sarah splashed and giggled dramatically in her little bath chair.  Ryan, on the other side of the tub became extremely irritated, as he repeated "that's enough, that's enough, I said, THAT'S ENOUGH!" He was even angrier when she squealed and gave him her little 2 toothed grin while splashing him again.

Kids just don't see things quite as we do, as adults. 

I've already explained that my son Ryan, can be quite dramatic. Once he gets his mind set on something, good luck!  He gets himself so caught up in how he's feeling, and what he wants, that there's absolutely no reasoning with him. I can't distract him, I can't change the subject, he's just set on it until he decides it's time to move on. So we as parents, have had to learn to stand our ground, and let him realize he's not the adult in charge.

Don't get me wrong, he's a great kid, just very strong willed. Mommy and Daddy are definitely relying on God for direction and patience in guiding his strength in the correct way.

One day Ryan had gotten himself so worked up about something, and he had been in his room "working on his attitude" for quite some time.  I contemplated going in to talk to him, but most attempts to calm him down are to no avail. Usually we just give him time to work it out himself, in a place we don't have to see or hear it.  This time though, I ended up peaking through a crack in the door to see a very distraught little boy, crying, trying to catch his breath between yells and sobs. I went in the room and sat down next to him. He was still so caught up in whatever it was that he was upset about, he didn't even notice I was there.  I said in a quite voice, "Ryan, calm down." He would not look at me, and continued his tantrum. I said, "Ryan, look at me." As he peaked up at me, he settled down slightly. I knelt down to his level and I looked him right in the eyes. I said, "It's okay, calm down."  He quieted a little more. I said, "Come here." And as he crawled into my lap, the sobs started. Something about my calm voice, something about that hug changed the emotion from complete anger and upset, to sadness and repentance.

How many times are we this caught up in ourselves? How often are we so worried about our situation, that we don't even notice that Gods waiting for us to look at Him?  I think sometimes God just lets us try to handle things on our own, since we are so sure we can do it. He wants us to realize that we can't do it on our own, so we understand that we need Him. And when all is said and done, God sometimes has to get in our faces and say, "Look at me." "Focus on me." "Be still."

Maybe it's a situation in our lives, or maybe it's a person or relationship. Maybe we have a tenancy to try and control situations, and God's saying, "Be still and trust me."

How many times have I acted like Ryan, and haven't realized it. How many times has God just waited for me to settle down and look at Him.

In the end, we realize we've tried to handle everything, when we should have let God help, and sometimes even let God handle it completely.  Then comes repentance, and peace as we let go.

"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still."   ~Exodus 14:14~

"Be still and know, that I am God."      ~Psalm 46:10~

"JUMP!"

Bold, Confident, yet completely dependent on Dads arms to catch him. No Fear or reserve, but complete faith that Dad will be there with open arms. Unwavering belief that Dad is strong enough to hold him up when he jumps.

As Leroy sets Ryan 5 steps up on the stairs and tells him, "Now jump to me!" Ryan will jump with reckless abandon into Leroy's arms as they both giggle. Leroy does the same thing in the pool with the kids, and they jump with all their might into the water, without any doubt that Leroy is right there to catch them.

I remember one time Leroy and Ryan had been playing on the steps like this. Leroy would say "Jump Ryan!" and he would throw himself off the step toward Leroy.  Ryan learned an important lesson that day.

Wait until daddy tells you to jump.

Leroy had gotten distracted in the middle of the game, and had turned to talk to Trinity. He had not told Ryan to jump, yet Ryan, who was still caught up in the excitement of the game, heaved himself toward Leroy. Leroy was not expecting a flying boy to land on him. Thank God Leroy caught him- just barely, but he was safe. Ryan got a strong talking to about waiting until Daddy said, "jump." Daddy told him that he could have fallen and gotten hurt badly. He said, "Next time just wait until I tell you to go Ryan."

Oh that we might have faith like a child. Unwavering faith that God will catch us when we jump. That He is strong enough to carry us. I think God wants us to have this kind of faith, yet it's so important that we wait for Him to tell us to jump.  If God says "Jump!" then we can have complete faith that He will be there waiting to catch us. But if we jump out in front of God before He tells us, we're opening ourselves up to possibly getting hurt.  It's all about correct timing.

God wants us to be bold as lions, fearless, and full of Faith in Him.  It's also important that we are filled with Godly wisdom to know what He's saying, and when He's saying it.

I pray that God gives us all the patience to know when to sit still, the courage to know when to "jump," and the wisdom to be able to discern the difference.  

"Planet of Trinity"

When I was a little girl, I remember sitting in a bathtub full of bubbles, talking to my mom about all the things I wanted to be when I grew up. I had a list that was about a mile long, and a few of the items included a fire-woman and an astronaut. I wholeheartedly believed I could and would do anything. The possibilities were endless and I couldn't pick just one.  My mom never discouraged me, she just smiled and nodded enthusiastically, while asking questions that kept me dreaming.

My daughter Trinity is just about 7 years old, and "sugar and spice" is the perfect way to describe her. She has an endless amount of love to give, to go along perfectly with her endless imagination.  At time she can be very dramatic, while she wears her heart on her sleeve. She demands justice in every situation, especially when it comes to her 3 year old brother, who does everything in his power to drive her bananas. 

Although Trinity's imagination is expansive, she's as solid as a rock.  Awhile back Trinity started making her list of everything she wanted to be when she grew up, just as I did at her age. 

So far the list is as follows:

1) A jewel collector     (way to go Trinity)

2) A dress designer   (which she is already very good at by the way)

3) A Singer

4) A Painter

5) A Piano Player

6) A person who discovers planets.... (She wants to discover the "Planet of Trinity" in the Solar System)

7) An Architect   (to design fabric stores, business buildings, stores, houses, apartments and hotels)

I asked Trinity if she wanted to be a mommy, and she said "Nah." I asked her why and she said, "because I don't want to get a shot."  I told her that being a mommy is one of the biggest blessings God's given me, and I think that someday she'll change her mind.

I want all of my kids to experience everything life has to offer.  I will do whatever I can to make sure they have the best life. That doesn't mean just material things, although I want her to have the best that we can provide for her. I love to hear her dreams, and I fully believe that she can do anything she really decides to do, plus so much more. I think as she matures she'll realize that many of the things on her list aren't really her true dreams, and she'll be able to focus in on the ones that are. 

But at what age do we stop dreaming like that? At what age do we stop believing that we can do, be, or have anything?  I'm not talking about your childhood dream to be a rockstar. (although I believe if you're truly called to be a musician, God will make a way for you to touch a lot of lives and have an incredible fulfilled life doing so.) 

At a very young age, I am convinced that God plants seeds inside of each of us. These seeds are the beginning of what God made you for. Maybe it's a heart and passion to help a specific group of people. Maybe it's a passion for Business, and an Entrepreneurial Gift. Maybe it's an overwhelming pull toward a specific purpose that brings you to tears when you think about it. 

Those seeds can be watered and cared for, and allowed to grow into all God has intended for you.  Or maybe they're allowed to grow only so much before they are pulled up like weeds. Maybe you've been told they're not worthwhile, so you've ignored them. But their roots are still there. God doesn't change his mind and he does not make mistakes. You're here for a reason- what did he put inside you're heart? What are you here for? 

I wish we could see through Gods eyes. I wish we could see all that we have access to, and all that is available if we only took hold of it confidently. Significance, Blessing, Abundance, Joy, Hope, and Success in all areas of your life. There's so much more available for you than you can even imagine. Trinity fully expects that her needs will always be met. She knows without question that she will be provided for. Why don't we approach our Heavenly Father the same way? That's what he promised.

If as a parent, I want to give my kids everything they need to have the best life possible, how does God feel about you? You are His child. He loves you just as parents love their kids. He wants you to dream, and He has given you access to everything you need, to fulfill what you're designed for. 

I highly recommend the book "The Dream Giver" by Bruce Wilkinson. It will dramatically change your perspective.

"Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. Before you were born I set you apart, I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."    ~Jeremiah 1:5~

One Big, and Two Little Monkeys

It's quite the scene.  I bite my nails and hold my breath as my 3 year old son Ryan dangles by one foot behind Leroy's back.  I gasp as Leroy, Trinity and Ryan body slam each other on the bed, play steam roller and have tackle tickle fights. I think it's a mom thing, but why is it so hard to just let them have fun?  The kids have never gotten hurt while playing with Daddy.  He is always very careful (although it doesn't seem like it) and he's keeping close watch that everyone's safe, but I just can't help it. I sometimes have to just walk away and pray for all of their safety.

We've made conscious decisions and a concentrated effort to teach our kids not to be scared of things unnecessarily.  Our kids aren't scared to talk to new people, because we haven't taught them to be. We have however, told them that it's always a good idea to have a trusted grown-up with them whenever they talk to someone new. Safety is the most important thing, but it's also important that they don't grow up believing that every new person is a threat. We've taught them that certain animals don't have to be scary, but we do need to be wise and careful around them.  I don't want my kids growing up with a phobia of snakes or spiders, just because a grown up told them to feel that way.  There's no reason to instill fear in them that's not necessary. Caution is the key. Teaching them wisdom is key. I want whatever we teach them to be a stepping stone for them to move forward into their future confidently, not in fear of people or things.

In saying this, I'm reminded of a time when Trinity couldn't have been more than 2 yrs old. One day, Leroy decided to take her to the park, and I took the chance to get some other things done. I let the two of them go and have some daddy/daughter time. Leroy came home so excited, because Trinity was brave and fearless, and was climbing the jungle gym by herself with the big kids. I had never let her do that, and in my opinion she was much to small for it. She was only two, so tiny, and she was a princess! I was so glad I wasn't there to see it, because I would have been a nervous wreck.

In typical Leroy fashion, the same scenario unfolded with Ryan when he was about the same age. This time however, I was perched on the park bench 15 feet away, saying "Leroy are you sure he's okay? What if he falls? Don't you think he should go up the stairs instead?"

Ryan was a little hesitant. He hadn't done this before, but Daddy was telling him he could. So, he fearlessly stepped up to the bars, and planted his first foot. He looked back at Daddy, who was not helping him, but was standing closely behind him, just in case. Leroy said "You can do it, go ahead." So Ryan proceeded to take a few steps. Leroy carefully kept watch. As he proceeded up the side of the play area, he slipped a little, and lost his footing. At this point the first thing I wanted to do was jump up and grab him, but Leroy didn't. He walked him through finding where his feet should go, and let him keep going. "Great job Ryan, you can do it, I told you that you could." I watched Leroy beam with pride, right alongside Ryan as he made it to the top without Daddy doing it for him. But even if Daddy didn't physically help him, Daddy was a big part in his success. He probably would not have found the courage to try without Daddy's encouragement. He wouldn't have kept going if Daddy hadn't been right behind him cheering him on, and he may have fallen if he didn't have a coach to guide him. Leroy was probably prouder of him, than he was of himself as he stood at the top of those bars.

I think you know where I'm going with this. What has your Heavenly Father told you to do? What is it that He has for your life? Have you been reluctant? Do you believe in yourself as much as He believes in you? As you place your first foot on that path, He's behind you to encourage, guide and protect you. But He can't do it for you, you have to choose to make that first step. You will not always feel confident through the process. You will need to focus, and listen to the still small voice, that knows you can do it. The same one that told you to begin the journey to start with.  When you stumble, He will guide you back to your feet. He is with you every step of the journey, and He will be so proud when you make it to your destination.

"Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path."     ~Proverbs 3:5-6~  

F R O G

Call me crazy, but I've noticed that whenever God's about to do something big in our lives, we get pregnant.

Almost like He is growing and forming something inside of us over the course of time, and then it's time for the pain of giving life to it  Maybe it's an idea being developed, a relationship shifting, or a major change in a direction we thought we were going.  The 3 major life shifts that have happened in our 9 1/2 years married, have all happened at the same time we were having our kids.

There I was. Barefoot and enormous, at 8 months pregnant with our first daughter Trinity. At the time, I was still working at a bank a few minutes from our house, but I was eagerly anticipating the start of my maternity leave, only two weeks later. At that time, my husband Leroy was working for an Electrical Contracting Company, and I was hoping that when my maternity leave was done, I wouldn't have to return to work.

It was an average Monday afternoon. I had come home from work, and desperately needed to put my swollen feet up. Leroy was not home yet, but I knew he would be soon.  I had drifted off to sleep, and had been there only a short time, when I heard the front door open. I always knew when Leroy was home because I would hear him parking his big, loud cargo van right next to the house. On this particular day I hadn't heard it.  Leroy came into the bedroom and sat down on the bed. I could tell something was wrong, but Leroy was calm and collected as he told me he'd been let go from his job.

The first thing to rush through my mind of course, was our baby Trinity who was due in just a few weeks. I thought I knew what it meant to trust in the Lord. Being raised in church, I knew all the "right" things to say. Things like "God is my provider, not that job." or "God will never give us more than we can handle." and "When something like this happens, it just means God's going to do something even better!" I wish I could tell you I wasn't scared. I wish I could honestly say that I had "peace that passes all understanding." But at that moment I didn't have anything close to it.

A few weeks later our precious Trinity was born, and God started us on an amazing roller coaster journey that is now our life. Leroy was "kicked out of the nest," and I'm forever grateful to that company for letting him go. I didn't feel like that at the time, but I don't know if he would have ever taken the leap of faith into owning his own business, if it had not been for the push.
Just like the labor pains of having a baby, we were forced to fight through what has now become a great victory. It was a process, but it has given us many amazing blessings.  We now have access to incredible potential in our own company that's growing every day. I praise God that I'm married to a winner who stood up and fought for his family, even after he'd been hit hard. I admire him every day for working hard and just figuring things out. For doing what he doesn't feel like doing, to make a better life for us.

When Trinity came along, we were taught to fully rely on God. We began to learn that He alone could (and would) sustain us.

Fully Rely on God... Lean not on our own understanding. Learn to stop trying to control everything and TRULY let God handle it.
All these things had to be learned before God could trust that we were ready for more. It took us awhile, but after this lesson was painfully learned, we can now trust without any doubt that God will meet our every need, no matter what the situation looks like.

                                                      INTEGRITY ELECTRICAL SERVICES
                                              "Professional, Reliable Service You Can Trust."

~Isaiah 49:23~ "Then you will know that I am the Lord, those who hope in me will not be disappointed."

What's your name?

My son Ryan is 3 years old, and is the mirror image of his dad in so many ways. As far as he's concerned, his Mom (or anyone else for that matter), does not even exist the minute daddy walks in the door.
I might get my feelings hurt if I wasn't so appreciative for the break.... :)

Ryan is a very emotional creature, and goes from extreme love and affection to absolute dramatic upset in a matter of seconds. This happens on a regular basis, and usually over something as simple as a juice spill or his sock being on crooked. You think I'm kidding. When Ryan gets his mind set on something, he's determined, unwavering and will not be distracted. When he is an adult, this might be a good quality. But it creates some stress when it presents itself in a 3 year old.

I will say however, that Daddy has a very calming effect on Ryan. I enjoy sitting and listening to them converse, and one conversation in particular spoke volumes to me.

Ryan was probably about 2 years old, and just starting to talk well. My husband Leroy was asking Ryan who different people were. He would say "Who is that?" while pointing to me. "Mommy" Ryan would reply. "Who am I?" Leroy would say. "Daddy" was the response. Of course all of this took place in the midst of Ryan having his attention on about 3 different things, as 2 year olds usually do. Many times Leroy would have to repeat the question. "Who are you?" No response. He was still little, and just learning a lot of new words. I wondered if he really didn't know how to say his name, or if he was just to interested in what he was doing to answer. "What's your name?" Leroy asked. This time Leroy gave him the answer. "Ryan is your name." "Ryan, yeah." he repeated after his daddy. It was clear that he knew who he was, he just needed a reminder.

God is your Father, what is your name? Who are you? I think we get so caught up with what's going on around us, that we don't stop to remember who we are in Him. If we are His children, what is our inheritance? Who does He say that we are? I think in our spirit we know who, and who's we are, but it's so easily forgotten if we're not focused on what He's saying to us. If we're not listening, is he repeatedly asking us "Who are you?" in your current situations?

All it takes is a reminder from our Heavenly Father that says, "You are mine. You are blessed and highly favored, you are my child and you are forgiven. You are the head and not the tail, you are blessed coming in and going out. Everything your hand touches will be blessed." "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans for good and not for evil, plans to prosper you and give you hope!" ~Jeremiah 29:11~

Does that change your perspective about who you are?